Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
