I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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