biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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