There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
