k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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