he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
