I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
