I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
