...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
