Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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