You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
