Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
