so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
