god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
