I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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