So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm having to shit out rocks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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