You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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