between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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