marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
