hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
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