from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
as a side note pls kill me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
