i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
