I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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