I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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