I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
