i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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