I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
