I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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