Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
