when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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