Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize