I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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