I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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