well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
