He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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