I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
