It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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