I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
