I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
