dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
