he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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