Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
