if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
