i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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