Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
