Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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