I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
