He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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