so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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