"it" just moved
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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