the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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