Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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