i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
wow bdsm is so cute
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
