Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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