I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
