her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
