i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
