evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
