My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
