this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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