They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
