this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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