Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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