Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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