Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
