Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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