I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
