jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
