Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
