Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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