We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
